I hate to be the bearer of bad news, but — no one is perfect. Yeah, that’s right, not you and definitely not me. We misspeak, we act thoughtlessly out of emotions, we have moments that we will later regret. We are human. Hence, we are mistake makers. Making mistakes is what life is made up of. How can we learn if we don’t have little blunders here and there? And hey, there can be beauty in a blunder.
The same goes for making mistakes in a romantic relationship. In fact, a lot of the beginning moments of a relationship are full of missteps and miscalculations. But these make you two grow stronger and help you understand one another in a better light. The one huge key to mistake making is that you two learn from these bloopers. If you make a gaffe over and over and over again, you run a high risk of driving your partner far away. So don’t be the boy/girl who cried mistake.
There are obvious behaviors, like cheating or addiction, that will have your partner running for the door. But some mistakes aren’t so obvious. These possibly unconscious acts could have your partner slowly crawling for the door without you even noticing.
So let’s be more aware of our actions and our words and learn from them. Here are the mistakes that you can make that will drive your partner away.
1. Not speaking up
Maybe you’re afraid that you’ll drive your partner away by bringing things up that bother you about your relationship, when in actuality, you should really be doing the opposite. Don’t be afraid to speak up if you want to talk to your significant other about an issue that’s been bothering you. It could help create a conversation, encouraging your partner to open up, too. This can help prevent resentment that might be building up for one another, which can sometimes happen when both partners keep quiet about underlying problems. By speaking up, you’re basically saying, “I care,” and if they care about you, too, then they’ll appreciate you making the effort to work on the relationship.
2. Always putting yourself first
This one is pretty self-explanatory. If you are always putting yourself first, then the first thing that might happen is your partner deciding to call it quits.
3. Being a Negative Nancy/Nick
The only downer your partner wants to see is from that movie, “The Fault In Our Stars” — not from your personality. I’m not saying you have to be Elle Woods, but a little pep in your step might not hurt. Having a negative outlook on everything can have a negative effect on your relationship. No one likes a glass half empty of wine nor a glass half empty personality, so fill that cup up.
4. Never saying “I’m Sorry”
Sorry, I’m not sorry shouldn’t be in your vocabulary in a relationship. If you can’t ever own up to your mistakes, then you can’t assume your partner will stay with you for the long haul.
5. Keeping secrets
“Secret secrets are no fun, secret secrets hurt someone.” Ain’t that the truth. Keeping secrets from your partner will be keeping you and your love from maintaining a healthy relationship. Sure, it’s fine to keep some things private for yourself, but big secrets, like opening up new credit cards or secretly texting your co-worker are mistakes that may be irreparable.
6. Being overly critical
Leave the criticism to your parents for when you come home during the holidays. The last thing your partner wants to hear after a long hard day at work is, “Why didn’t you do the dishes?” or “You’re always so grumpy when you get home”. Leave the over-criticizing at the door.
7. Being passive aggressive
People don’t necessarily love someone who’s passive or someone who’s aggressive. So when you put the two together, you get a disaster mistake that damages your relationship. It isn’t easy communicating to your partner if you’re upset, but if you want to have a happy and healthy relationship, you have to. There’s no ifs, ands or buts about it, along with rude tones in your voice, eye rolls, and passive-aggressive body language.
8. Withholding sex in a manipulative way
Sex can bring you two together. At the same time, no sex can pull you two apart. There can be power dynamics within your sexual relationship with your partner. And I’m not just talking about S&M. It’s one thing to be upset with your lover and, of course, not feel in the mood to be sexual with him or her. But it’s another to withhold sex in a manipulative way to get what you want.
9. Not keeping promises
If you don’t stick to your word, your partner might not stick with you. Whether it’s telling your bf/gf that you will take him or her out to dinner on a Friday night and never follow through, or you say you are going to stop drinking, but you’re still picking up that bottle — a promise is a promise. Once your partner can’t depend on your word, he or she will stop depending on you.
By SARA ALTSCHULE Via